I’m a mother of six-year-old twins who, like me, are entirely too smart for their own damn good. Also, I am a writer (and will be an indentured servant to the master that is student debt for the rest of my life to be able to say that), living and working in Warren, Pennsylvania.

Despite my best efforts.

I’m a (daily) reporter, a columnist (at least once a week), and am trying to be a better blogger.

I’m also considering taking up smoking again.

For my mental health.

My favorite place on earth is below it, in the ocean. Because I love scuba diving. And I kinda mostly hate people. But if you’re going to insist that I must be at or above sea level (goddamn it, dude, why must you harass me thus) then my favorite place to be is at Humpy’s Big Island Ale House, in Kona.

If I’m at Humpy’s Big Island Ale House, leave me there. Just go. I’m where I want to be. Unless you’re going to take me diving. Then I will go with you.

That was random!

I’m 35. But I’m tired, emotionally and physically. I’m tired like an 82-year-old. Who lived rough.

I mean rough, you guys.

I am tired, 35, and I think I want to be David Sedaris when I grow up.