Minchin Monday and Personal Inventories

I’ve been putting off sharing this particular Minchin ditty, and I don’t know why because in terms of both cussing and actual philosophical barbarism this is no more offensive than many of the man’s songs I’ve shared multiple times, and less offensive, actually, than many. but it’s also a much more direct attack on organized religion, which is something that I know a lot of people really love and or cling to. and I know it may not seem like it, but my goal is to make you laugh not to piss you off.

But I like this one. And I like you, dear reader, and I think we’ve reached a point in our relationship where you can handle a full on Minchin assault.

So here is.

Also, someone recently posted a survey of random things about them. I really love these little bastards, both reading them and filling them out.

And, as I have nothing to really say except that things appear okay and therapy didn’t suck, I’ll give ya this. Feel free to share your own responses!

44 Odd Things You Don’t Know About Me:

1. Do you like bleu cheese? Fuck no! Gross!

2. Favorite Holiday? Halloween. I mean. Duh.

3. Do you own a gun? I own a stun gun. And it scares me enough when it goes off. Those things are loud, homie!

4. What is your favorite flavor Popsicle? Anbesol. Which is code for my teeth are too fucked up to eat popsicles and have been for the last 10 years.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor visits? I get nervous before vet visits. I get nervous before accessing WebMD. Doctor visits are out of the fucking question.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? I think if I’m going to stick a tube of meat roughly the size and shape of a penis in my mouth it better be one of the expensive Smith’s ones with the skin that snaps when I bite down.

7. Favorite Movie: all of them. Star Wars.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee. Oh no wait. Did you mean ideally? Coffee. Plus Irish.

9. Do you do push ups? Totally. The kind with the Flintstones on the side. Berry flavor, bitches.

10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? A big obnoxious 80s hair band ring.

11. Favorite hobby? Assaulting the internet with this blog.

12. Do you have A.D.H.D? I believe that if there had been more awareness of the unique manifestation of inattentive type deficits in girls when I was in elementary – holy shit there’s a fucking squirrel, y’all.

13. What’s your favorite pizza topping(s)? Pineapple, represent!

14. What is your middle name? Lee. Bruce. Lee.

15. Name three thoughts at the moment: 1) I like cake. 2) the band and the food. 3. I kinda like the food more than the band though.

16. Name 3 drinks you drink? Coffee, diet peach Snapple, rum.

17. Current worry? All of them. In one. Like a fucking existential Optimus Prime.

18. Current annoyance right now? My feet ache.

19. Favorite place to be in your home? Bed. All damn day.

20. Do you like camping? I do…ten years ago.

21. Where would you like to go? Kailua-Kona. Humpys Big Island Ale House and then the bottom of the ocean. Or Scotland. Anywhere in Scotland. The less people the better.

22. Three states you have visited: Florida, California, Arizona.

23. Do you wear slippers? No but I wanna be the type of person who does.

24. What color shirt are you wearing right now? Black. Like my soul.

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? I want 100 percent cotton, white, and I want em cool and crispy.

26. Can you whistle? Fuck yes home boy! I cannot however wolf whistle and that’s always been one of the great shames of my life. Don’t tell anybody, k?

27. What are your favorite colors? Black, gray-green, chartreuse, and fluorescent beige.

28. Would you be a pirate? I would not. But only because I’m old and tired. And swashbuckling be some mad cardio, kids.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower? “Stars shining bright above you,” “rubber ducky,” and “Hakuna Matata.” Because I live without shame. And my cat thinks I’m the shit.

30. Favorite girl names? Drew, Layla, Lennon

31. Favorite boy names? Pennywise, Ozzy, Humberto

32. What’s in your pocket right now? I’m like the Amish, y’all. I ain’t got no stinkin’ pockets.

33. Last thing that made you laugh? My kids.

34. Best toy as a child? Stuffed Littlefoot.

35. Worst injury you have had? Mystery gut disease. And being female.

36. Where would you love to live? Scottland or Kona. We’ve been over this, yo.

37. How many TV’s do you have? 2

38. Who is your loudest friend? Hahaha me, idiot.

39. How many dogs do you have? None and it’s a problem.

40. Do you feel you set a good example for others? Sometimes. Mostly no but every now and then.

41. What book are you reading at the moment? “I Am, I Am, I Am”

42. What’s your favorite candy? Starburst and Tootsie Roll. Combined. One bite of each, chew, repeat. It’ll change your life.

43. What is your least favorite chore? Folding a d putting away laundry.

44. Favorite month: October, bitches!

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