I cannot apologize enough in advance for my sense of humor.
But I grew up in the mid 80s which means I was an asshole teenager in the 90s.
And what did asshole teenagers do in the 90s?
I mean, lots of things. Some more felonious than others.
Maybe that’s just me.
But watching MTV was a big part of it.
And on MTV in the 90s there was this guy called Tom Green. And you’ve got to understand, this was long, long, before that douche canoe Bam Margera came around. Bam got famous on MTV too, but only after Tom Green laid the foundation, you see.
Jackass? Johnny Knoxville?
Come on. Let’s all get real. Tom Green and Glen Humplink had that market cornered years ahead of their time.
Green and Humplink were visionaries.
That’s why they get none of the respect they deserve. And it’s not okay.
Now, the very best work Tom Green ever did was the “Where’s My Dinner Bitch” statue skit.
See, Tom’s bread and butter was messing with his parents. Everything, everything that Bam is idolized for is thanks to Tom’s original work.
These damn kids today don’t understand the history of the messing with your parents comedy genre.
Unfortunately, I cannot find the “Where’s My Dinner Bitch” skit anywhere online. It’s just disappeared. Which sucks. Hard.
But the second best thing Tom ever did to his parents – who are so, so incredibly Canadian, by the way – was the “Slutmobile” skit.
And it’s entirely his parents’ reactions that make this so funny.
My mom once tried to strangle me… literally, strangle me…because I dyed my hair red.
Tom…well. Just look at what Tom did to his poor parents and you’ll understand. This is the difference between Americans and Canadians summed up neatly right here:
Oh, the 90s were a magical time, kids.
Now. Green wound up spinning out in the early 2000s. He got too gimmicky and he started trying too hard. But I think a lot of it came from the fact that skits like the Slutmobile were just too good to ever top. And he should have recognized that, and stopped trying.
But before he got too hokey even for me, Tom Green contributed what I think is one of the most underrated comedies of my generation to this world.
In the form of a feature film.
Freddy Got Fingered.
I won’t waste your time posting the trailer or even the highlights.
I’ll just give you one quick clip. And I’ll suggest that, if it makes you giggle, you follow up with a quick YouTube search for the phrase “Daddy, would you like some sausage.”
And if that clip also does it for you then I suggest you blow the $9.99 and buy it on Amazon. It’s really pretty worth it when you need just balls to the wall tasteless, thoughtless idiocy. It’s absolutely a great go-to when you just need something abjectly non-cerebral to laugh at after a really shitty, shitty day.
Okay. So I do reference Freddy Got Fingered and one of my most used references is “I’ve got my fingers crossed, Freddy. I hope I get a jobbie, Freddy, I’ve got my fingers crossed.”
Okay you know what? Just, here. Watch this and come back and we’ll talk.
So. Again. I apologize for my sense of humor. But I am not ashamed to admit that Tom Green has gotten me through some dark times in my life, starting in 1997, when it all started getting hard and weird and scary.
So hats off, Tom.
I salute you.