Books and Wine

Sailor J is my patronus. 

This girl likes books and wine. She is me. We are the same.


So who else is heading into their first year as Santa entirely unprepared? Mike was arrested when the girls were two. We really hadn’t gotten a chance to do the whole Christmas morning thing at that point. They were still too young. 

We spent the next two years doing Christmas Eve and Christmas morning at my mom’s. My mom likes to just handle all of the things…

…And I like to let her because it’s just easier. But this year the girls are five, we are officially, legally a three person family and the time to start Christmas mornings at home is now. 

Except that I had no idea what I was thinking. All their presents are wrapped in the same paper. Whether they’re from Santa or not. 

Fuck it. They still got the Fingerlings. They still got the damn Hatchimals. If it comes down to a lie I’m just gonna tell them Santa needed wrapping help this year because his life has become unmanageable and he was working on setting boundaries and asking for help when he needs it with his therapist and one of the things his therapist recommended was asking parents to cover some wrapping duties. 

I do not know how to.feel about the ease with which, or the speed at which, I can construct an intricate lie for my children. 

What I did not anticipate, and what will be harder to remedy at this point, is that I didn’t realize until they asked me what I had asked Santa for that I had to extend the lie to include buying and wrapping shit for myself too.

Whoopsie doopsie. 

Looks like Santa will be bringing me a box of spaghetti, a bag full of Verisimo pods, and a tin of colored pencils I haven’t opened yet. 

Which I’ll be wrapping in newspaper because I ran out of wrapping paper after I finished them up this afternoon. 

See what happens when we lie? It just gets out of control. 


I have a bunch of letters to Santa from local elementary school kids that are pretty damn funny. If I have a chance I’ll throw some up here and turn it into a post. 

Ugh. I’m tired already and we haven’t even gotten started. Happy Christmas, if I don’t get back here between now and Tuesday. 


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