Update: Here‘s the article that came out of the interview. I’m not super proud of it on a technical level. It’s clumsily crafted and fully representative of the brain fog I was in last week, as a result of titrating up to the next dosage of Vyvanse. More about that later. But it’s not the worst thing I’ve ever written and had published. Certainly it’s worlds away from the embarrassing word salad that was last week’s column. Gross.
June has a kiddo in her class named Lihem. He’s a cool kid. He has Treacher Collins syndrome. If you’ve seen a promo for Wonder, it’s a film about August Pullman, who also has TCS.
Lihem’s mom wasn’t available until after work this week for a human interest, featurey type article on Lihem, so I took the girls out for dinner and then they went with me to play with Lihem and his sister while I interviewed his mom.
It was really great. We were there nearly two hours. The kids played great and it was one of those easy, conversational interviews that you know are just going to turn into stories that write themselves.
I had one hell of a migraine started when we got to dinner. I honestly wasn’t sure if I was going to make it through the interview.
Well, I didn’t have a choice. I should say I didn’t know how I was going to make it. It was one of those ones where just the light of day itself makes you kinda wanna puke and then everything else makes you feel like you’re going to hork uncontroably while you bleed profusely from the eyes.
I’m not saying I know what set it off but Brian kept saying the titles of Christmas carols over and over again in the newsroom today so.
I’m not saying I blame Brian Ferry for my brain aching or anything. But…
I’m still nauseated but I can function so.
Anyhow, Lihem’s story was one of those ones about how you don’t know what you are capable of until you are tested.
I’ve known for years now that I talk a lot of shit about what I “could never” do but really there hasn’t been anything so far that I haven’t been able to do because as far as I can tell I’m still here despite fate’s blatant attempts to destroy my soul.
I mean, I’m pretty nauseated pretty consistently but, the truth is, ain’t shit I can’t do. Lotsa shit I don’t wanna do. But so far none I can’t.
People love to say shit like “oh I don’t know how you do it” or “I could never be strong like that.”
The truth is that when the only other option is to give up, the body and the mind are capable of some pretty amazing shit.
Including just tolerating discomfort. Sometimes, the only grand feat we’re able to accomplish is continuing to breathe through significant levels of bullshit.
But the mistake is assuming that that, in and of itself, is not a feat.
And a grand one, at that, sometimes.
Take a moment to acknowledge all the ordinary ways you are amazing. Because you are.
And you could too.
Deal with that.
Whatever that is that you think you couldn’t deal with. If there is one thing I know to be true it’s that 99 percent of people will amaze the shit out of themselves when they need to.
I amaze myself all the damn time. Not always in good ways but.
It is what it is, I suppose.