A Ten Dollar Divorce and Everybody Drink

It is done. 

My new anniversary is June 5. It’s kind of hilarious actually. Mike was arrested June 3, 2014 and my divorce was finalized by a judge on June 5, 2017. 

The whole divorce cost me $9.50. 

I made some mistakes the first time around. I was really hoping to get a divorce decree rather than a letter telling me I screwed up again.

You know when you’ve applied to colleges and you get the big 8.5×11 response packet that means you’re in? That moment when you realize it before you open it? I saw the return envelope I’d turned in with the paperwork at the Prothonotary’s office and I was like, “oh,” and then I was like, “oh, oh shit, oh hells yeah!”

Tammy and her girls were here, along with Shanell, to celebrate Tammy’s upcoming nuptials. So we drank vodka and wine to celebrate her marriage and my divorce. 

It was great. 

This is the scrapbook I bought for my wedding in 2011. 

On the third day of my honeymoon I found out I was pregnant and my husband started resenting me, and telling everyone how I trapped him. 

Because I put a gun to his head every day for four years before we got married and forced him to date me before secretly inseminating myself without his consent. 

As you do.

Needless to say, I never got a chance to put any happy memories of marriage in my wedding scrapbook. Because I had none. 

So page one of my “Happily Ever After” scrapbook will now be my divorce decree. 

I don’t have a husband, you guys. Everybody drink!

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