It’s been over 4 years since I’ve slept in my bed. It’s a long story and I’ll share it sometime, but basically I’ve been unable to enter this room for any reason other than to retrieve something that I really needed. And you knew I really needed it when I did because I entered the room to get it.
I wanted so much to forget about what this room represented – a waste of six years and a marriage that was emotionally disastrous – that I actually used it as a hoarder’s paradise and put all my junk in it so I’d have an excuse not to have to sleep in it. But today it looks like this:
When I was maried I was never allowed to have a television or a bedside lamp on after my husband was ready to sleep. The curtains had to be blackout curtains and a fan had to be blowing in our direction at all times.
I have my own sleep habits, and they were probably equally annoying to my husband, but basically when the girls were born we were asked not to come into the bedroom as he needed his sleep ( and I didn’t because all I did was stay home taking care of two infants all day). And we did. And I just never came back to this room after that.
It never felt like my room after that again.
My stepdad wasted a good portion of his Saturday afternoon helping me put up the television he bought me for Christmas.
Because I can write you an essay all about the history of televisions but damned if I can hang one on my wall.
In my defense, he needed a Sawzall. Who just has a Sawzall hanging around?
I never stood a chance.
Thanks for the television, mom and Jay. And for the decades of construction experience.
He gets paid $40 an hour, usually. Today he got a pomegranate Tootsie Pop and several offers to make him a cup of coffee.
And because of him I can sleep in this room again. Because the televised dramas of others help my mind to forget my own real past drama.
Tonight is the first night I will be sleeping in my bed instead of on my couch since my daughters were born.
I am so so excited.
And I’m watching the first season of Game of Thrones finally, so that’s really kind of doing it for me today too.